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About two months ago, I was sitting in church service, minding my own business. We had just finished worshiping through song, and our Missions and Outreach pastor was talking about upcoming summer missions trips, when suddenly my friend turned and slapped me on the leg and said, “You should go to Puerto Rico.” I chuckled…
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It’s been about a year and a half since I started really deconstructing and just over a year since I hit the bottom and questioned God’s existence. Healing from relgious trauma was one of the hardest things I have ever done; there was such a deep root of shame, condemnation, and fear in me. Processing…
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Deconstructing often gets a bad reputation in faith-based communities; oftentimes, people immediately assume it means that someone is leaving the faith altogether, and in some cases, it might, but for some of us, it is just a natural result of religious trauma. Even those who do turn away don’t do it for fun; it’s a…
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I always felt like the problem child at church; I was the girl who talked too much and who laughed too loudly. I was the defiant girl who turned her chair around when the teachers showed a “bad” movie. I was the problem child who refused to kick a football from the pulpit into the…
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CSPTD I should be over this by now, I feel myself as I leave the office for an unplanned mental health day. It’s been 9 years, shouldn’t I be over this by now? As I continue shaming myself, the truth comes in: yes, it’s been 9 years of freedom, but it was 22 years of…
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Oh, Papa Why are you so angry What did I do? I promise not to do it again if you can just tell me. The tears run down my face My little body shakes in fear I don’t understand what I did. I can’t even make out what you are saying I want to run,…
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Before the “Broken Heart” there was another The Young Heart A young heart bursting with life Love and energy The “Young Heart” feels it only exists to bring joy And it does to most of those around it But there was one the heart could never keep pleased The heart would twirl and dance Smile…
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The Broken Heart (Part 1) The morning dawns The heart wakes The pain of the last few months returns The wounds are still fresh The heart is still torn Yet another day begins Pushing forward to a new life Looking for a new place to land A fresh face and a pretty dress With shiny…
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30 the Year of Firsts First time spending day of my Birthday aloneFirst Birthday without the “mask”First time getting Taylor Swift MerchFirst time losing control on icy roadFirst time hiking in a snowy ForrestFirst time doing textured artFirst time seeing the PhilharmonicFirst time seeing a public school graduationFirst time entering former church without being afraidFirst…
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Do you see this girl? At church, she is always there; whenever the church doors are open, she is serving or helping somewhere. She is seen with other people’s babies on her hip, and she is often rushing out of service to help in the nursery as needed. The old Southern Baptist grandma praises her…
